STORYLINE 1/5

There's no storyline at all. Heck! It's just poker. Perhaps the only storyline is: Gamer desperate for arousal seeks sexual intimacy with a Famicom controller and television screen. Rub that A button...You get the point.

GRAPHICS 3/5

When it comes to poker, the graphics don't matter much. All you need to know is what cards you get. So, as long as the numbers appear clearly, you've got no problem. And the numbers, except for six and eight, are always distinguishable. Of course, all the playing cards have the same number of symbols (hearts, spades, etc.) as the written number in the top left and bottom right corners of each card.

But, I know you're eager to find out: what about the women! During the gameplay, you're playing, of course, against the dealer. In this case, the dealer is a female. Actually, you get to choose from three female dealers: Ruka, Mari and Ayomi. During gameplay, the dealers are shown on the screen as headshots only. But the developers game the women some unique expressions. When the dealer wins a hand, her face will smile over and over again and she will laugh at you. If she loses a hand, she will get a piss-off expression. She also trash talks every time you raise the stakes. And when you're winning a lot of hand and are about to see one of the various girls start stripping, the dealer will stick her tongue out at you and the screen will shake.

That's when you're taken to the stripping woman. Every dealer is accompanied by two stripping women, who, one at a time, will remove articles of clothing as you win. The graphics of the stripping women are about what you'd expect for 8-bit. They're very plain, but it isn't difficult to make out the firm, rounded tits with erect nipples. And, if you're lucky and a bit imaginative, you can even see the shadowed outline of pussy on a couple of the women.

The nude women have some type of movement, usually a facial expression. Some wink or blink; some smile. And some facial expressions come off as poorly designed and therefore creepy.

AUDIO 3.5/5

GAMEPLAY 4/5

The game is hinged entirely on the winning and losing of hands and the amount of money the two of you bet. You start with $500 in your bank and each time you enter a hand you pay into the pot either $10 or $20; it alternates. The hand is dealt at that point and the process of poker begins.

You are dealt five cards, as is the dealer. You are given the option of betting or passing. If you bet, you get to choose how much: 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 or 90. The dealer then either drops out of the hand (which means you win), matches your bet, or matches your bet and raises. If she raises, you must match that (i.e. CALL) to continue with the hand -- of course, you also have the option to drop the hand (which means you lose). At this point, you are allowed to select which cards you'd like to get rid of. The exchange is made, and you're allowed to either bet or pass. The dealer either drops the hand or matches your bet. She then either raises or just calls. If she raises, you match must match and then call. The two of you show your cards.

The tug of war over points will continue to set you back and raise you closer to the amount you need to get a girl stripping. You will be allowed to see a nude screen only when you have reached one of the thousands from $1,000 to $5,000. That means for all three dealers there is a total of six nude girls, two for each dealer. Obviously, the more points you get, the more nude the girls will become. If you reach $0, you'll get a Game Over screen. If you reach $5,000, the game with that particular dealer will end and you'll go back to the start screen.

CONTROL 3/5

FUN FACTOR 5/5

This game is actually pretty fun, if you like poker. It's rewarding, especially if you're new to the game, to have to reach a benchmark and then get to see a beautiful 8-bit body. There is some strategy that's necessary to keep winning. The game can get tough and the dealer can quickly deplete your bank if you're not actually paying attention to what your cards are and how much she's bidding. If she's bidding high, sometimes she's just bluffing, but sometimes she got really good cards. It's possible to get a straight, three of a kind, and other poker gems. A royal flush? Hmm.

FRUSTRATION 3/5

Yes, even in this game there are frustrations. There's no ability to pause, and if you have to stop playing for a few minutes, the game, including whatever amount you've won, will be reset and you'll be taken back to the start screen.

The other frustration is that the game has no memory. What I mean is that every time you reach the same dollar amount benchmark, you'll see the same nude girl at the same stage of stripping. So, if you reach $1,000, you'll see the girl who corresponds to that benchmark. And then say you lose the next hand and are taken back under $1,000...the next time you hit $1,000 you'll see the same nude girl at the same stage of stripping...yawn. It can get frustrating if you keep passing the same dollar amount benchmark.

OVERALL 3/5

For an unlicensed game, it's overall a very good quality and has the interesting twist of nude women. There aren't too many good 8-bit porn games out there, primarily Hacker International and Super PIG games.

Now, if you're looking to get off on this 8-bit porn...ha! Good luck. You'll have trouble just getting it up with this low quality smut.

SCREENSHOTS