Feeling depressed

[fcgamer]

Hi guys,

I hate to admit it, but I am feeling a bit depressed, and have been for the past few months.  I felt a lot better over the Christmas vacation, as I had gotten to spend time with my family, and then through January as well, as my mother had been staying with me for a month to visit. But she has gone back home now, and I just feel frustrated, confused, and back to the same old same old in my life.  There are so many things going on, and I just don't know what route to go, what choice to make, etc.  Before if I felt frustrated, I would then just play some Famicom, or do some FC research, order some new games, etc, but then with the paypal ban, it just makes that issue a tricky one as well.

Just to be clear, I don't feel the point of killing myself or anything like that, but I would love to be able to chat with someone here, if anyone is willing to listen.  Maybe then I can get my head on straight, heh.

Cheers.

[MaxXimus]

I've been depressed for years and it really sucks. It is an incredibly debilitating feeling to have and I have been feeling it lately more so as well with all the shitty things happening in my life; relationship and family stresses, financial issues, employment issues,etc. I have been finding with all of this that I have been drinking quite a bit more than I would like to be as well.

That situation with your PayPal really makes me upset. It's crazy how crooked and weird ebay and PayPals policies work. They pretend that they have strict policies that they follow, but it seems the power sellers which bring in a tonne of cash for them can do pretty much what ever they want. I hope they didn't ding you financially, or if they got anything from you, that it was just a few dollars or something.

In terms of missing your family, that must be pretty hard on you living so far away from family and support and such. It sounds like you had a good time while you visited in the states and then had your mom visit and it also sounds like maybe you're feeling a little homesick. I live much closer to my family, but still in another city. I don't drive and they don't visit for some reason lol so I can maybe relate on a small level, but still it must be stressful.

Make a change in your life. Do something different.

With the lack of work and money that I'm still owed there is no way I can afford to renew my lease here and I miss living in Winnipeg. I am probably going to be doing that once my lease here is up at the end of April. It will be cheaper for rent, there will be more work opportunities and we will be closer to family and friends. Plus my friends in Winnipeg don't really drink so I'll hopefully be drinking less as well.

Obviously I don't expect you to just uproot yourself haha, but a little change can't hurt!

[fcgamer]

Yeah, I just feel so frustrated at my situation.  I think my relationship with my gf is a bit unhealthy for example. this past Monday, my students wanted me to go out with them for a late night snack after class, and they had told me about this the week before, that they wanted to do this.  So I told my gf about this and she said I could go, although she wasn't particularly happy about it.  Then after last Monday had happened, she gave me so much attitude about going out like that.  I felt so frustrated, why shouldn't I be allowed to go out with a group of my students, just because one or two of them were female?

A few nights ago I went running with a friend, and my friend wanted to take me out to try some traditional breakfast here, from a restaurant that served breakfast from 10 PM to 6 AM.  But I had to decline and make up an excuse about needing to go home to feed my cat, since in reality I had to go home to talk with my gf at 11:30, like we do every night (since she lives a few hours from me...we can only see each other on weekends basically).

I just sometimes feel some constrained by my "curfew", and yet when you've been seeing someone for over three years, it makes things more complicated.  And I do miss my family, and also feel frustrated with the online paypal bs.  I also hate it, because my gf wants me to move closer to where she lives, but that means giving up the apartment where I live (and it is really nice), and also leaving the jobs I like.  Yet I sometimes feel all I do is sacrifice, and she never does the same for me.  And the combination of events makes me just feel frustrated, and depressed. 

[zmaster18]

Maybe it's just time to move on from the girlfriend and be single and in charge again. I know it's difficult to leave a girl you love, but you also got to love yourself as well. Your own happiness should be more important, as it is your life. You must be in charge, not her. Tell her how you want to live the ideal life, and if she doesn't like it she'll just have to adapt or you guys move on.

[fcgamer]

I got to thinking about this more tonight, reflecting on the things that I am truly dissatisfied about in life.  I can thank a 1 1/2 hour bus ride for allowing me the time to just sit and reflect, by myself.

When I was out with my gf tonight for valentine's day, we had ended up talking about a so-so buddy of mine, who sometimes wants to go for coffee.  The guy seems nice enough and was a former colleague to me, and I also went to his wedding.  The thing is, he seems a bit off here and there, which leaves my gf (and sometimes I) wondering if there is more there than meets the eye, or just that he has a few social issues and just doesn't fit in 100% (well no one fits in perfectly, but some people fake it better than others, I guess).

Well on the bus ride back home, I just kept thinking and reflecting, and I think I began unearthing the thing that really bothers me, the possible root of my depression.  I am a foreigner where I live, and although that can add excitement (you are suddenly the celebrity or cool person, on a superficial level), at the end of the day this wears off and you just end up being the guy that breaks rules and societal norms left and right, have trouble relating with other people, and as a result, have few close companions / friends.

For example, I went running with an acquaintence / friend last week, and then after running, we decided to talk, and walk around the track until another three or four hours had passed.  And we just walked, talked, joked - the time went by so fast, and then I had to head home because of the curfew thing.  My friend then told me that I should text them again when I was free and wanted to hang out and do something, so I did, but I never heard a single thing back.  Not a good response, not a bad response, just nothing.  Now to me that just seems so unbelievable, that a person tells you to text them, and even wants to spend 5+ hours with you, and almost as much as invites you to their home for the holiday - but then, they flake out and never respond back a few days later with your next text.

And that is always how it seems to be.  Everyone is always so damned busy, with their own circle of friends or with work and family, that it seems more evenings than not, after work I go home and am just alone in my apartment with my cat all evening.  When I try to reach out to people or they try to reach out to me, it just seems that it always ends up as nothing more than just a hit and miss thing, with more misses than hits.  And then each year as I creep closer to age 30, I just feel even more pressure to get married, yet honestly I don't feel ready.  But I see engagements and stuff like that too, and it just leaves me scratching my head and wondering why I worry about playing old tv games, while others worry about having families.

So these sorts of things just leave me feeling really frustrated and confused.  I love my job here, my living quarters as well, and for that, I wouldn't change a thing.  But I do think some healthy new / local friendship would definitely do me some wonders too, but as I said, everytime I am on to something, it always just leads to disappearing acts.

[80sFREAK]

You should have couple more girlfriends. Seriously. 

[number47]

You have to keep yourself occupied. If I've been home doing nothing I get also pretty nervous and frustrated.

[StJackie]

What about joining some kind of club or take up a new hobby?  Doing some fresh new things can help put new perspectives on life.  Get out and do as much as possible while still single (and alive).  I know easier said then done but ya gotta try.. I believe you are just thinking too much.. and thinking can be bad ..  

[famiac]

.

[80sFREAK]

To 80sFREAK

You're kidding right?

Keep him busy  Well, i read another his thread, maybe he should "go back to the roots" and start brewery 

[BonBon]

Shit I've love to open a brewery/bar its always been one of my dreams. vintage gaming and drinking quality ales are my two favorite things. There is a bar by where I live now that's called side quest on Mondays they do classic gaming on like 6 tvs and have great beers they do tournaments and giveaways I love that place. I'm in the process of moving back to the west coast California Bay Area if you do ever end up coming back to the states we could talk about opening up a gamer bar/brewery. I'm sure starting something like that would cheer you up. Also I don't think I've ever mentioned this berfore but I'm a server/bartender by trait I've been doing it for the last ten years I used to work at a brewery for 5 years too.

[StJackie]

Small world..  used to work at Devil`s canyon brewery after college.  (bay area if you know it)..