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December 11, 2018, 11:48:59 PM
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Author Topic: I just lost everything.  (Read 4008 times)
MWK
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« Reply #30 on: September 29, 2018, 08:09:43 PM »

Hey MaxXimus, how's things at ya? Hope you keep up the good job, man.
Have you been thinking about playing something reeeaaaly long on NES/Famicom during the downdays, like Willow or Gargoyle's Quest II?
Take care buddy POW
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MaxXimus
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« Reply #31 on: October 09, 2018, 02:03:55 AM »

Iím not going to lie. Things have been horrible. Nothing changed. I need to move out of here before things get worse. I have no job and no money though so thatís impossible. Iím trapped.
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MaxXimus
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« Reply #32 on: October 15, 2018, 04:47:26 PM »

I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday to chat, and also see if he will put me on short term disability while I figure everything out. The last day or so has been alright I suppose. I played a little Super Mario Word the last couple days. It took a tiny bit for me to get in to but I passed donut bridge now and have a bunch of star road completed. Iíll probably play through to the end because of the cool world changes once you do. Iím playing on my projector which my kids are also enjoying.

Iíve been taking the condensed DBT class they offered me, but I honestly donít know how I feel about it. It all seems to rushed. I also havenít heard anything yet about seeing s psychiatrist, so thatís something Iíll talk to my doctor about.
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« Reply #33 on: October 17, 2018, 01:21:57 AM »

Good to hear from you again, Max.

It seems weird to me that they wouldn't have had you talk to a psychiatrist yet.
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MaxXimus
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« Reply #34 on: October 18, 2018, 09:41:47 PM »

I was never referred apparently. Iím back at the CRC now trying to get that sorted out. They are also changing my DBT classes to more of a one on one thing.
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« Reply #35 on: October 21, 2018, 05:09:40 AM »

I'm glad that you've gone and got help. Part of the reason for my extended absence here has been because of anxiety and PTSD so if you need to talk to someone who knows what this special hell is like hit me up. I never qualified for being able to be put on meds because I have reasonably healthy coping mechanisms but I got to a point where I was getting lazy / past where I could use them correctly.
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« Reply #36 on: October 31, 2018, 02:43:11 AM »

Hey man I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I hope things get better for you. Believe me, I've hit rock bottom and gotten up again. We still have a long way to go! Lets dew it!
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MaxXimus
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« Reply #37 on: October 31, 2018, 03:33:57 PM »

So many false promises. Nothing is working out. The CRC is now saying maybe I need something they canít offer and it seems like they are trying to pass me along. I donít think that Iíll end up seeing any psychiatrist at all. Iím still doing the condensed DBT, but itís not enough. Also there is 0 one on one. They have recommended I take the CBT classes once I finish the DBT ones. I am also going to be switching family doctors. I gave him disability papers over 2 weeks ago and the government still doesnít have them. I called my doctors office a few days ago and the receptionist said sheíd ask the doctor and phone me back. I never got a call back. I also told him my meds are not working and so he just refilled them anyway and sent me on my way.. I gave the government my doctors sick note off work, though they claimed they never got it , so I didnít even get any provincial assistance in the bank. So much for rent and bills. It really is one thing after another. Iím also trying to move out and provincial assistance wonít give me any answer on how I can get my own funds to do that. (Everything goes to my exís bank)

This next part may or may not disturb some people so I hid it. Click if you want to know a little bit more.

Spoiler  :
No one wants to hear this, but I was going to attempt suicide a couple weeks ago. I never went through with it. I was going to take my whole bottle of clonazepam with a glass of water. I looked it up and itís really hard to lethal OD on benzodiazepines by themselves and I didnít want to leave myself in a position where I was still alive and didnít have any more meds. I told the CRC all this already. I know I could have done the same with a bottle of Tylenol and it would have worked 100% but the goal was to fall asleep and maybe not wake up. I didnít want to be in excruciating pain while my liver shut down followed by my other organs from Tylenol toxicity.

This seems to be where I stand right now. At this point I truly think that I wonít be able to be happy in life and I seem to be too cowardly to just do it.


Post Merge: November 01, 2018, 04:22:31 AM
The ex and I, as well as my mom and brother, took the kids trick or treating. The kids had fun and got some good loot. I had a pretty decent time for the most part which was nice.

The kids are getting so big. They are a huge motivator for me to keep plugging on. Theyíre all so handsome. My mom got them costumes this year because I not Kyla could afford it. Thank goodness for that. Sheís been very supportive through all this.
« Last Edit: November 01, 2018, 04:22:31 AM by MaxXimus » Logged
MaxXimus
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« Reply #38 on: November 06, 2018, 03:34:11 PM »

I am finally getting my psychiatry appointment tomorrow. I hope we can figure out whats going on, and get me back on track.

Post Merge: November 07, 2018, 04:44:20 PM
I am just in the waiting area waiting to see the psychiatrist. Here goes.
« Last Edit: November 07, 2018, 04:44:20 PM by MaxXimus » Logged
MaxXimus
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« Reply #39 on: November 13, 2018, 06:15:48 PM »

Iím so disappointed in our medical system with regards to mental health. I really need a fresh start or something. Time to put the past behind me, so to speak. Take care guys. Smiley bye for now.
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Jedi QuestMaster
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« Reply #40 on: November 14, 2018, 01:11:35 AM »

Have you considered making music? I feel learning an instrument is an experience like no other.
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« Reply #41 on: November 14, 2018, 02:14:42 PM »

Have you considered joining a church group or something? I've dealt with severe depression off and on for years, with 2008 and 2016 being particularly horrible, actually this year is shaping up to be somewhat bad as well.

I was raised Catholic but am not particularly religious (I rarely attend services unless my family is over here visiting me), but my mom's been staying at my place the past few weeks, and I've been attending service regularly.

Although I don't really look forward to going, I always go away with a good feeling for the rest of the day...I guess from the sensory overload, and then just the positive messages paired with it. Maybe it just gives me a sense of belonging.

Post Merge: November 14, 2018, 02:18:30 PM
During my senior year in high school, one of my classmates offed himself, he was accused of rape after an incident at a party (it's been said the two were drinking heavily, she regretted in the morning), he then went to the woods a day or two later and shot himself. Smart kid, was a good guy, the sort that tried to be friends with everyone

Post Merge: November 14, 2018, 02:21:46 PM
Committing suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and that comes from a guy dealing with depression. I'll never forget that day packed in the tiny church, seeing the grieving faces of so many people.

Your Famicom world family loves you dude, so do many many people in your day to day life. Your time certainly has not come yet, and we are all rooting for you.
« Last Edit: November 14, 2018, 02:21:46 PM by fcgamer » Logged

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MaxXimus
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« Reply #42 on: November 18, 2018, 01:00:51 AM »

Iím not staying there anymore. Kyla and I had an argument and she called the police. I left voluntarily because this is just getting so out of hand. Iím staying with my mom right now. She has taken the kids and is refusing to let m stalk to them so I guess I am going to be going to court for joint custody. Just one more thing to add to the table.
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Jedi QuestMaster
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« Reply #43 on: November 18, 2018, 03:50:47 PM »

Ugh! Father's usually get shafted in separation/divorce proceedings.

Not to add fart to the flame, but The Honey Badgers talk a lot about these men's issues.
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MaxXimus
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« Reply #44 on: November 18, 2018, 05:27:00 PM »

Iíll check it out. Today I feel good. Iím meeting up with an old friend just to do some window shopping and just talk and catch up. I havenít really gone and hung out with someone in a while  I feel excited, and sort of like a teen again. Iím just at the mall right now waiting. Smiley

Post Merge: November 19, 2018, 06:01:00 PM
Yesterday was awesome guys. First day in forever where litterally everything was great.

Today I got served with a protection order from my ex, so I guess at this point I canít get my things or talk to my kids.

I am just thinking about how well yesterday went and Iím clinging on to that. I am at the doctors office right now and I was going to talk about starting a taper plan to get off of the benzodiazepines, but after this I donít know if I will be able to deal without the meds.

Post Merge: November 19, 2018, 06:06:00 PM
My life is the equivalent of DOOM for PS1 on Ultra Violence. Itís difficult man.

Post Merge: November 19, 2018, 09:53:55 PM
So my doctor agrees I should stay on the clonazepam a couple more months until things settle a bit then do a taper plan.

I went to fill my prescription and my assistance file has been closed. (Not working at the moment) so now I canít even get my meds. I went right down to their main office to explain that I could start having seizures and possibly die if I donít have my meds(which sucks but itís also scary) so they are putting a rush on getting my medical covered again. Hopefully thatís in place by tomorrow. Also since they had already issued this months benefit(in my exís bank) while I was living there, they will not issue any more money even though Iím not living there and she has it all. They told me I have to contact her and get some of the money but I canít call because of the protection order....  itís actually sort of funny in a sick twisted way if you think about it.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2018, 09:53:55 PM by MaxXimus » Logged
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