Jokes

[manuel]

Skippy and Slappy are at Woodstock. Roger Daltrey is onstage
singing...

SLAPPY: Skippy, what is the name of that group playing on stage?

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: The name of the group.

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: The group on stage.

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: The group playing on stage.

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: You're starting to sound like an owl, Skippy.

SKIPPY: Who is on stage!

SLAPPY: That is what I'm askin' ya', who is on stage?

SKIPPY: That's what I said.

SLAPPY: You said who?

SKIPPY: I sure did.

SLAPPY: So tell me the name.

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: The name of the group.

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: The group on stage.

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: The name of the band on stage!

SKIPPY: Who!

SLAPPY: You're doing that owl thing again, Skippy!

SKIPPY: I'm not, Aunt Slappy, I'm telling you Who is on stage.

SLAPPY: So tell me.

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: So tell me.

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: The name of the group.

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: The group on stage!

SKIPPY: Who!

SLAPPY: That's what I'm asking you!

SKIPPY: And I'm telling you the answer.

SLAPPY: Wait, Skippy, let's start over. Is there a band on stage?

SKIPPY: Yes.

SLAPPY: Does the band have a name?

SKIPPY: Yes.

SLAPPY: Do you know the name of the band?

SKIPPY: Yes.

SLAPPY: Then tell me the name of the band on stage.

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: The name of the band!

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: The band, playing on stage!

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: That's what I want to know!

SKIPPY: I'm telling you!

SLAPPY: Who is on stage.

SKIPPY: Yes.

SLAPPY: Who is?

SKIPPY: Yes.

SLAPPY: Oh. So the name of the band is Yes.

SKIPPY: No, Aunt Slappy, Yes is not even at this concert.

SLAPPY: Then who is on stage?

SKIPPY: Yes.

SLAPPY: Who is?

SKIPPY: Yes.

SLAPPY: That's just what I said, Yes is on stage.

SKIPPY: No, Yes is not here. Who is on stage.

SLAPPY: Whaddya askin' me for?

SKIPPY: I'm not!

SLAPPY: Wait, let's try this again. Do you see the band on stage?

SKIPPY: No I don't see The Band, that's a different group entirely.

SLAPPY: On stage, Skippy. Look, see the band?

SKIPPY: No I don't.

SLAPPY: Get rid of those John Lennon glasses and look! There, there's the band!

SKIPPY: No, that's not The Band. The Band is performing later on. Who's on stage.

SLAPPY: You tell me.

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: The name of the group on stage.

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: The name of the group!

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: The group on stage!

SKIPPY: Who.

SLAPPY: The band!

SKIPPY: No, The Band is performing later. Right now, we're listening to Who.

SLAPPY: That's what I wanna know!!

(Cheers and applause from the crowd)

ROGER DALTRY: Hey, you squirrels are funny, man. Come on up here and take a bow.

SKIPPY: Yeah! Far out!

SLAPPY: Oh brother...

[Jedi Master Baiter]

It's better if you see it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39xNlnmNLf4

[manuel]

Thanks. I didn't know about the video.

[JC]

From a FWD I received:

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

[kite200]

LOL

[manuel]

lol Dixafix...

[JC]

COP vs. LITTLE GIRL

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

"Nice bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation and said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you've got there sir. Did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

[manuel]

That was quite a good one.

[keiffer01]

LOL!

[JC]

A guy burned two ears...so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.

He said, ''I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang...So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear...''

''But how the heck did you burn the other ear?'' The doctor asked.

They called back.

[JC]

So, the last joke was really cheesy. Let's give this one a try:

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Both, son. God is both."

After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

"Daddy, does God love children?"

"Yes, son, he loves all children."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

[JC]

There is something very wrong with this joke:

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

[manuel]

There may be something wrong, but it's funny.

[JC]

Crude, but too good to pass up:

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:

"Well, doc, it's like this, first I tried with my right hand but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

"Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

"We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"

The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open."

[Jedi Master Baiter]

Okay, so this man asks his wife if he can screw her in the ear.  She says, "No, I might go deaf."

He responds, "Bitch, I've been fucking you in the mouth for years & you still haven't shut up yet."